


Always

by our_winter



Category: Infernal Devices Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: I love these two too much to let them suffer, Just fuffly and a little angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-03
Updated: 2016-07-03
Packaged: 2018-07-19 20:40:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7376638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/our_winter/pseuds/our_winter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Your laugh is beautiful.” He stared at Will. “You are beautiful.”</p><p>Will smirked and pushed dark locks out of Jem’s forehead.</p><p>“We already stated that, James.”</p><p>Jem blushed and lowered his gaze to his lap.</p><p>“Are we married?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Always

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Heronstairs fic, so I'm realy sorry if they're OOC. And English is not my first language, so I'm sorry for any msitakes too.

Will was pissed off. He should have seen this coming. How could he have been so distracted that he didn’t see the signs? Now that he thought about it, they were _so fucking obvious_! Every time Jem flinched and said it was nothing. Of course. Of course he would say that, he would never bother anyone and say that he wasn’t feeling well. It was Will’s job to take care of him and he had failed, he had failed spectacularly and now Jem was lying on a hospital bed after an appendicitis surgery. The doctor told him that everything went well and that Jem would just be disoriented because of the anesthesia.

The smell of alcohol and death seemed to cling to the very air, the white walls and green sheets, the sound of beeping machines and the nurses running up and down the corridors. He was getting sick of being here, dread still turning his stomach. Charlote offered to stay for a while, so he could go take a shower and sleep on a properly bed and not the uncomfortable chair where he had been perched for the last thirty six hours, but he couldn’t. The idea of leaving Jem alone was unbearable, even if it was Charlote, it was his place, right there beside Jem, waiting for him to wake up so he could scold him for almost giving him a heart attack. He wasn’t sure if he could scold Jem, since the doctor told him that the other man would probably be disoriented when he woke. Will saw some videos about people waking up from anesthetic and laughed with the video of the man that asked his own wife to marry him.

He just needed for Jem to wake up, for him to look at him and give him an apologetic smile. Will needed to steady certainty that Jem was ok and that he would stay with him. He couldn’t bear the idea of losing him.

He closed A Tale of Two Cities with a sigh and leaned his head against the chair closing his eyes. The image of Jem falling out of his seat and curling on the floor with pain. His sweet, gentle Jem, now lying on that bed looking so small and fragile. His ivory skin looking even paler than usual, ink hair mussed and plastered to his forehead.

“Hmm…”

His head shot up and in one second he was perched on the side of the bed, hand holding Jem’s carefully.

“Jem?”

The Asian’s head turned to look at Will, he blinked his dark eyes slowly and Will smiled gently at him, running small circles on his hand with his thumb.

“Jem, you’re ok. You’re at the hospital, because you made an appendicitis surgery.”

Jem closed his eyes for a moment before blinking them open again and fixing them on Will.

“Nnkay.”

Will sighed.

“You scared the living hell out of me. I thought I was going to lose you.”

Will closed his eyes for a moment, only now the dread that was obscuring his throat fading and letting him breath properly. Jem squeezed his hand weakly.

“Sorry.”

And he had to laugh, the sound a little chocked and hysterical. But this was his Jem, always worried about the others, even if who was in a hospital bed was him.

“Your laugh is beautiful.” He stared at Will. “You are beautiful.”

Will smirked and pushed dark locks out of Jem’s forehead.

“We already stated that, James.”

Jem blushed and lowered his gaze to his lap.

“Are we married?”

Will chocked and laughed. Jem looked up at him with big, dark, innocent eyes.

“No, Jem. We aren’t married.”

And to Will utterly horror Jem’s eyes glistened with silver tears and he sobbed.

“I should have known.” Tears ran down his face. “You’re so beautiful, and I’m hideous, aren’t I?”

The taller man was completely lost. The doctor told him that Jem would be disoriented after the surgery, but he would never imagine that it would be like this. He took some tissues from the box beside the bed and gently wiped away the tears from Jem’s pale, exhausted face.

“I’m an asshole with you, aren’t I? If I wasn’t and asshole you’d love me.”

And Will had to laugh at that, because Jem was everything that was good on the world.

“You’re good at me, James.”

Jem hiccupped and the blue eyed man wiped the new tears that rolled down his cheeks.

“I like when you say my name.” He frowned in confusion, making him look completely adorable. “And I don’t even know yours.”

Will caught a single tear with his thumb and smiled at the other man.

“I’m Will.”

“You’re so nice.”

Will smirked.

“Now, we know that’s not true.”

Jem frowned again.

“But you’re nice to me. You’re taking care of me.”

The taller man ran his fingers slowly through the other’s hair with a small smile.

“I’ll always take care of you.”

Jem looked down and asked in a small voice.

“Why aren’t we married, Will?”

William opened his mouth and nothing came out. He searched his brain trying to find one single reason to why he shouldn’t marry Jem and came up with nothing. The truth of that hit him like a brick wall and he ran his fingers through the dark curls of his hair. All of the thoughts that he usually was so good at ignoring now came up to the front of his mind. Jem’s small smile; his gentle, long fingers as he played the violin; the way his hair would fall on his eyes; the lovely pink on his cheeks when he was out of breath or embarrassed; his laugh; every time he called him William; the morning sun shining on his face with his sleepy eyes and slurred voice.

Will sighed and looked at their joined hands.

“It’s complicated.”

“Oh.” Jem didn’t say anything for a long moment, when he talked again his words were soft and tired. “Will you be here when I wake up?”

Will looked at him and couldn’t help the smile that tugged at the corner of his lips.

“Always.”

 

 

***

 

 

That was five days ago and William couldn’t stop thinking about that conversation. Jem was released from the hospital four days ago and haven’t shown any sign that he remembered their conversation. Will didn’t know if he was relieved or disappointed. But the truth was that he was avoiding Jem, well, avoiding the best as someone could avoid the person they lived with.

The problem was that that conversation brought up all the things that he had managed to keep locked for years, because he couldn’t risk losing Jem, he would repress these feelings for the rest of his life if it meant that he would keep the other man by his side. But now he couldn’t stop _thinking_. Like what it would be like to wake up and find the other man lying by his side; to kiss those plush, soft lips; to run his hands along the lithe body; taste the hollow of his throat; leave love bites along his spine and make new when the old ones started to fade away. And he wanted, he wanted Jem so much that it was driving him insane.

He was so lost on his own thoughts that he didn’t see Jem till he was sitting right beside him.

“We need to talk.”

Will didn’t dare look at him, he looked at his interlaced fingers on his lap.

“I’m sorry.”

Jem’s voice was soft and small, and Will’s head shot up to look at him. He was looking at his own hands, his fringe obscuring his eyes and Will fought the urge to push them away.

“What would you possibly be sorry for?”

Jem didn’t answer him for fifteen heartbeats, he could count them fluttering on Jem’s neck.

“I remember.”

Dread pooled on his stomach.

“What?”

“I remember our conversation at the hospital, and I’m so sorry that I made you uncomfortable.”

“No, Jem, you didn’t.”

The other man looked up at him with hurt in his eyes.

“Then why are you avoiding me?”

Will opened his mouth to answer and closed it back. He looked up at Jem and saw the hurt there, the fear and shame, and he couldn’t take it, he couldn’t hurt Jem. Not his Jem.

“It’s not your fault.”

Jem looked up at him, eyes glistening.

“Then what…”

“I can’t stop thinking about you, about what you said.” He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. “And I want. Jem, I want you so bad.”

There it was, the truth, lying in the open.

“Oh.”

William felt like a paralyzed puppy about to be abandoned. Dread was closing his throat, the same dread that lodged there when he thought he was going to lose Jem.

“I was so afraid. You scared me shitless when you just dropped from the chair. I thought I was going to lose you and I couldn’t bear the thought of living in a world where you didn’t exist, and then you woke and you told me all of those things, and then I couldn’t find one single reason to why we shouldn’t be married, because I love you.” He looks right into Jem’s shocked eyes. “I’ve loved you for so long that I can’t remember when it started, but I know that I’ll love you for the rest of my life.”

Jem just stared at him and stared and stared. Will could feel his heart beating against his temples, his mouth was dry and he had to clench his hands to keep them from shaking.

When the silence stretched for too long he took a deep breath and ran his hands through his messy hair. His chest hurt and he almost chocked with the words that he knew he needed to say. Because Jem was too good and he would try to find a way out of this without breaking Will’s hair, and that just made Will love him even more, even if his chest was crumbling into itself and he thought that he would break at any moment. He forced a little smile on his face, but even he knew that it looked broken and fake.

“Look, Jem. You don’t have to say anything. Hell, I know you don’t feel the same, it’s just that I needed to spill it out, and if you think that you can still stay close to me we can pretend that it never happened. I’ll never talk about it again.”

“Don’t.”

Jem looked at him with fiery eyes making him close his mouth shut.

“Don’t assume that you know how I feel.”

Will kept quiet and Jem looked at him with glistening eyes.

“Why’d you never told me?”

His voice was fragile and small, on instinct Will leaned forward and wiped the tear on the smaller man’s cheek.

“Because I thought that having any part of you that I could get was better than having none.”

He answered softly. Jem leaned his face into his palm and his heart missed a beat.

“Do you really love me?”

He smiled and looked right into Jem’s eyes.

“Always, James.”

Jem’s eyes darkened and his breath hitched.

“I like when you say my name like that.”

They had unconsciously leaned closer and Will whispered against Jem’s lips.

“James.”

Jem surged forward and kissed him, arms circling Will’s neck and with one fluid motion he pulled the other man into his lap. Jem tasted like green tea and even if Will had always preferred coffee he just thought that he found his new favorite taste. Jem sighed into his mouth when he pressed his hands against his back, pulling him closer and their bodies were flush together. The Asian’s hands were warm and gentle on his face, Will never felt so complete, so utterly happy, he pushed his own hands under Jem’s sweater and moaned at the feeling of soft skin. Jem shivered and pushed closer to him, whimpering into his mouth.

“So you don’t think that I’m hideous?”

Jem murmured against his chin, trailing kisses along his jaw. Will let out a breathless laugh and kissed the point under Jem’s ear.

“I think you are the most beautiful thing that I’ve ever seen.”

Jem leaned back and stared right into Will’s midnight blue eyes, his eyes full of love and adoration.

“I love you too, always.”

Will smiled and leaned to kiss him again.


End file.
